Monthly Archives: May 2016

The great one for your relationship is respect each other

images-8The husband says: “When we got married, my wife and I had different views on what it meant to show respect. Not that one view was right and the other was wrong—they were just different. I often felt that my wife should have been more respectful in the way she spoke to me.”

The wife says: “Part of the culture in which I was raised included speaking loudly, using dramatic facial expressions, and interrupting when others were speaking. We didn’t view that as disrespectful. But that’s a completely different atmosphere from the one in which my husband was raised.”

Respect in marriage is not a luxury; it is a necessity. How can you show that you respect your mate?

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Men have a particular need for respect. The Bible tells husbands: “Each one of you must love his wife as he does himself.” But then it adds: “The wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) While both wives and husbands need to feel loved and respected, husbands especially thrive on respect. “Men need to feel that they can handle situations, solve problems, and take care of the family,” says a husband named Carlos. * When a wife respects her husband for such capabilities, she benefits not only her husband but also herself. “My husband actually shows his love for me more when I show that I respect him,” says a wife named Corrine.

Of course, wives need respect too. That makes sense because a husband cannot truly love a wife whom he does not respect. “I need to respect my wife’s opinions and suggestions,” says Daniel. “I also need to respect her emotions. My not understanding why she feels a certain way does not mean I can dismiss how she feels.”

Respect is in the eye of the beholder. The issue is, not whether youthink you show respect, but whether your mate feels respected. This is a lesson learned by the wife quoted at the outset under the heading “The Challenge.” “Even if I didn’t think I was being disrespectful, if I made my husband feel that I was, then I was the one who needed to change.”

 WHAT YOU CAN DO

  • Write down three things that you admire about your husband or wife. The admirable traits that you identify can be the foundation upon which to build respect.

  • For one week, track your conduct (not that of your spouse) in the following areas.

Your words. One study of couples found that “spouses in happy, stable marriages made five positive remarks for every one negative remark when they were discussing conflict. In contrast, couples headed for divorce offered less than one (0.8) positive remark for every single negative remark.” *Bible principle: Proverbs 12:18.

Ask yourself: ‘Do I speak respectfully to my mate? How often do I criticize compared with how often I give a compliment? What is the tone of my voice when I have an observation or a complaint?’ Would your spouse agree with your answers?Bible principle: Colossians 3:13.

Try this: Set a goal to give your husband or wife at least one compliment per day. Suggestion: Look back at the admirable traits you identified earlier. Get into the habit of telling your mate what you admire about him or her.Bible principle: 1 Corinthians 8:1.

Your actions. A wife named Alicia says: “I spend a lot of time doing housework, and when my husband respects my efforts by picking up after himself or washing his own dishes, I feel that my efforts are worthwhile and that I am important to our marriage.”

Ask yourself: ‘Does the way I treat my spouse clearly convey my respect? Do I give my spouse adequate time and attention?’ Would your spouse agree with your answers?

Try this: Write down three ways that you would like to be shown respect. Have your mate do the same. Then exchange lists so that each of you can work on showing respect in the areas that were specified. Focus on your own need to show respect. When one takes the lead, the other is likely to follow.

How to choose for online dating

Whenever someone asks me how I met my wife, I proudly say, “Online!” But of course, I think to myself… Where else would one meet up with one’s significant other nowadays?

Actually, my attitude is probably not the norm in society. At least not yet. But before long, it wouldn’t surprise me to find that online dating has surpassed other forms of meeting one’s significant other. Why? Because it is more efficient, produces better matches (and dates!), and allows love to bloom when the silly things (such as actually having something in common) are already taken care of ahead of time.

More Efficient

Using online dating services are far more efficient than other methods of dating. Getting set up by friends or family is purely a hit-or-miss proposition. While well-intentioned, friends and family often don’t really know us half as well as they think they do. We don’t often share all of the intimate details of our lives, our likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams for the future with everyone. So people can get somewhat biased ideas of what we’re like, because they only see what we’re like with them.

Office romances, while convenient, are often fraught with possible problems, danger, and role conflicts. Meeting people randomly at bars or in bookstores or other interests such as hobbies is pure chance. While appealing to our romantic, impulsive side, you’re better off throwing darts at random names within a phone book. There’s nothing efficient or really, fun, about spending countless hours drinking in a bar looking for supposed “Mr. Right.” Chances are he left with the woman just before you.

Better Matches (and Dates!)

Online dating allows you to get to know the person you may want to date long before you ever actually have to date them! How cool is that? Most people communicate a great deal by email or IM first, before talking on the phone. You’ve spent time reading their online profile, which includes not only their likes and dislikes, but hopes, dreams, reading and movie preferences, hobbies, shoe size, and in some cases, annual income. While these things vary in importance, they provide a fairly accurate snapshot of a person (or at least as much as they want you to know).

There’s been a great deal of research to show that couples who are more compatible are more likely to remain committed in a relationship to one another. Lack of compatibility often comes from lack of knowledge and knowing one’s partner as honestly and truly as one believes. Online dating gives you the chance to slow things down a bit and really get to know the person you’re dating, again, sometimes long before you’ve ever gone on that first face-to-face date. That’s a good thing, because it means you’re more likely to find compatibility that works for you online.

Allowing Love to Bloom

Too many times, people get so caught up in the dating world and the need to date that they lose sight of love and finding happiness. It becomes as much a chore as it is something to do for Saturday nights. Going to a bar week after week or being constantly set up on a blind date is more like a recurring nightmare for most people than it is a joy or something to look forward to.

Online dating puts the hassle, stress and pressure of dating on the back burner. You take your time and go at your own pace, because there will always be hundreds of possible partners for you in the huge online databases that exist. New people are always signing up! There’s no need to hurry because there will always be people who are compatible with you and your needs available. It’s just a matter of finding them.

Once you start dating people through an online dating site, you already know a lot about the person when you go on your first date. That doesn’t mean everything will always go smoothly, or that every date is going to be one with Ms. Right. But it does mean that you can relax your guard a little and stop worrying about providing and getting information from the other, or discover that every hobby or interest you like, he abhors. Instead, you’re starting out on common ground with a lot to talk about and a lot to enjoy.

With so much less pressure on each date, online dating allows love to take root and more fully bloom far more easily than other methods.

Online dating may still seem a bit odd to some people, but then again, those folks have discovered the secret of it. You have, or are considering it, and for that, you’re already a step ahead of many others. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.